I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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