My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
