Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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