I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
