tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
