i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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