Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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