anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize