there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
