it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
