Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
