I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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