I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
