i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
