is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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