i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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