i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
