fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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