did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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