dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
