And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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