I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
