Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize