I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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