I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
