This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
