last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
