he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize