yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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