When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
