Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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