i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
NoShamevember. You game?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
