ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
