You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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