Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
