Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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