why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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