you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
