I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize