Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
