I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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