Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
