There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
