It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
