when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
