Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize