My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have aggressive nipples.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
