It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize