My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize