Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I AM VODKA MAN
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
