I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
