If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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