she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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