I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
