Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
