Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am midnight drunk by noon
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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