Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize