you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
