I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
