I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
