I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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