I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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