I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
