man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
