There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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