the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
