We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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