make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
